Thoughts from Kilauea Point

I can feel God changing, softening, challenging, growing my heart and me very noticeably these days. I have a strange sense of peace as I feel Him preparing me for change...I am not sure what change exactly, but I can feel myself opening to the possibility of major changes. I'm in a place where I am realizing that what I've found important in the past, isn't that important anymore. I laugh b/c my Father in heaven 'obviously' knows me, but He knows me well enough to know that I need time to ease in to the idea of change, so he's slowly preparing me, I can sense it.

Over the course of our time in Kauai, I enjoyed some good quiet times w/ God. One of the most memorable and unexpected times was spent in awe of His creation-this beautiful lookout point on the day of our anniversary. Re-reading my journal entry in preparation to post this, doesn't adequately describe my emotion of that moment, but oh well, I'll post it anyway:). Here is what I captured at Kilauea Point...

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Money has always been my security blanket. It's in my genes, really, as my parents have always modeled (very well, I might add:), the value of saving. I will always remember my parents making me put 1/2 of any earning I made as a child/teenager into a tin Band-Aid box to save. Over the years, I have become about saving, saving, saving-the more we save, the better we'll be. See, I'm all wrapped up in the false security of the dollar. I can feel God challenging me to give more of it away. For a long time, I've been comfortable w/ the tithe and a few other miscellaneous charitable requests that we give to, but I can feel Him loosening my grasp.

As I stand at this scenic over look, I am overtaken w/ my love/hate relationship w/ Cerner. Over the years, I've slowly grown weary of eating dinner @ 6:30 and wishing Doug could be home each night at 5:00. However, I battle those feelings w/ how I feel right now...being spiritually blown away by this beautiful place, God's incredible creation and knowing that it's b/c of Doug's job that we are able to experience all of this. I don't get blown away by creation very often, so this is a surreal feeling. Along w/ those thoughts, I feel extreme guilt... Guilt b/c of the knowledge of what we've spent on this trip could've gone towards giving even more towards a young couple at our church preparing to give their lives and passions to 2 years in South Africa.

So, here I sit in complete and utter gratitude...for this trip and for all the trips before this one and to come. I sit here wondering what God has in store next. I know guilt isn't His motive, but I can't help it knowing that I am sitting in a place that most of the world will never experience. Thanks God for blessing us w/ each other, I can't wait to see what's next for us!